January 11, 2007; four days after my 36th birthday; 2 months after my family buried my father, I was carjacked at gunpoint. I've heard many people say that when they experienced life or death moments like this that their lives would flash before them. I can honestly say that was not going on in my mind. I didn't like the gun pointed in my face so I kept trying to get the young teenage thug holding the gun to move it out of my face. But even with all that going on, that wasn't my main concern. I could only really think on one major thing, it was too early to end now. I knew in my heart that I had not not completed what God had told me to do. The 4 or 5 young, black thugs took my wallet, my keys and my car and left me standing there while threatening they would shoot my a@#. They took off in the car and I began running to try to get some help. Still, what bothered me the most was not the fact that my car was gone, or the fact that they took the $60 I had in my wallet and my keys to everything I owned but that I had not completed what God told me to do.
In 2004, God spoke to me in a night vision or dream to write a book. In the dream or night vision, I asked, "What is the title?" I heard, " A Struggle Not Meant For A King." I then was told the title of the first two chapters, "Father to Son" and " A Mother's Love." That's all I knew. I woke up the next morning and I remembered everything. I wrote it down and just looked at the paper. I had no desire to write a book and I didn't even know what the book was about. When I finally shared it with my wife she looked at me like she had in times past like here comes another flaky idea. You see, I had tried so many pyramid schemes, metalluca, selling long distance, and any scheme to try and make money and they all failed. So, I had a terrible track record for trying to get something started. I told my mom also and she too kind of ignored what I was telling her. It was me and God alone on this one and little did I know that's just how he wanted it. Why did I do it? God gave me an OPPORTUNITY to be obedient to HIM.
By being obedient to God, I did start writing this book and in the process of writing it I had the opportunity to confront my father about all the hell my family caught in his house while growing up. I share this more in the book but to make a long story short, he apologized. I had no idea that he would be gone a few months later after I confronted him. When he died, I really was at peace with him. I wasn't angry and God gave me the OPPORTUNITY to talk to my dad before he died and gave my father the OPPORTUNITY to apologize to me before he died.
Now, God wanted me to "expose the sin in my life." That's exactly how I heard it. It was one thing to write a book but it was another thing to tell people the stuff I wanted to forget about myself. I really did not want to do it. I wrote anonymously a testimony to the church about my deliverance from pornography but now HE wanted me to expose myself. I did not want to do it. By being obedeint to God, exposing myself has become my ASSIGNMENT.
My assignment is to tell other christian men and women about my struggles with sexual sins and perversions. The only way I could do this is to be sure of the Fathers love for me. There is no way in the world I could talk openly to people about my struggles if it wasn't for God's love. I am fully persuaded of HIS love for me and I am fully persuaded of HIS LOVE for you. God set me free so that I can help others become free. God sees you struggling secretly. Married Christian man God sees you sneaking around. Single guy, God sees you slipping in and out of sin trying to look like you got it together. Men, God sees you at night on your cell phones, on the internet watching nasty videos having phone sex. God sees you Christian man comitting adultery and fornication. Chrisitan man God sees you in that homosexual or bisexual relationship. God loves you but HATES the sin. That's why He told me to tell my story. He wants you to have your own story or testimony but you got to trust HIM to lead you. This is why I'm doing this!
Look at this factual data. These are some of the answers to the GodlyKing's Survey to date on www.godlyking.com.
75 % of the men surveyed currently watch pornagraphy.
38% of the men surveyed have been raped or molested.
100% of the men surveyed knew the person who raped
or molested them.
67% of the men surveyed were raped or molested by men.
33% of the men surveyed were raped or molested by a female.
1oo% of the men surveyed who were raped or molested currently
are married or have been married.
That's Why I did it! Men you are not alone. So many other christian men are privately struggling. Together we can break the silence and the shame. Sins DO NOT have to dominate you. Iniquities of the family do not have to pass down any further. I was struggling and I was addicted to pornography but now I AM FREE!!!!!!! Freedom comes when you expose the sin, ask God to help you and be willing to accept the help that is here. "A STRUGGLE NOT MEANT FOR A KING exposes it all and shows how I overcame and how you too can be free. There is hope and there is a solution. If you need help now, contact me for prayer at clarence@godlyking.com.
Finally, to my family members who have problems with what I am doing. I only can say this, Were you upset or appalled when my father was giving his family hell? Were you upset or appalled when I was sneaking out on my wife to go get or view pornography? Were you appalled and upset when I was a little boy who told anybody (family members) that would listen how my dad treated my mother and my sisters and nobody said or did nothing unless you just talked behind our backs? Were you appalled or upset when I grew up terrified of my dad because I thought he was going to snap and hurt us? No one said a word................. So if you got something to say, start at 1971 and then maybe I'll listen.....................That's Why I DID IT?
I am just saying what has been painfully obvious for me. I love my family but I love God more................................
Brother Clarence
