Desire to Love

     When I was a child, I always saw myself with a wife and kids.  I always knew that marriage is something that I wanted.  To me, it was just a natural progression of life.  My mom and dad were married,  My uncles and aunts were married, so when I grew up, I would be married.  The plan and thought of it really sounds simple. I "ll be honest, I did have preconceived ideas about marriage. I too believed the lie of the fairy tales, "And they lived happily ever after!"  That's how the story always ended.
    I am going to be transparent this morning.  The truth is all I really had was desire.  I knew nothing about how relationships work. My father was a  terrible example of what a husband and father should be. He was mean to everyone in the house and had very little involvement in my life,  He was always present and always absent.  What my dad did teach me is I wanted to be nothing like him.
     So, here's this little kid dreaming of being a husband and father with no real example in his life. All I had was desire and alot of wrong information on how to make a relationship work. When it was time to start dating and trying to meet a future wife, my past relationships, peers, and bad experiences was my teacher.  So every new relationship I entered into, I brought my past relationships, peers and bad experiences with me and that's how I loved. I had my own emotional baggage without even knowing it.
     How many of you know my desire to love alone was not enough?  How many of us are loving from our past relationships, peers, and bad experiences?  How many of us brought our baggage into our new and now relationships?  How many of us have these fairy tale ideas about marriage and relationships?  How many men truly know how to love a woman without it being a physical display?  How many women love men separate from their previous experiences?  How do we love?
    

Psalm 32:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you

     My desire to love was not enough. God had to help me love the right way.  Tomorrow, we will deal with what HE showed me and how that expanded my capacity to love as a husband and father.  If your loving just out of desire, your relationship will wither just like a flower in the sun with no rain.  I need to know how to love you.  I need to know your love language.

Brother Clarence
Author and Family Strategist
www.godlyking.com
www.godlykings.blogspot.com
     

Loving On Empty

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: But a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Proverbs 17:22

   It's always  good to laugh.  I love to be around people who don't mind sharing a good laugh.  The scripture today is not talking about laughter, it speaks of a merry heart. I can remember times in  my life where I was laughing but my heart was not merry.  I remember when my laughter was just a cover up for my pain and discontentment.  M spirit was broken from life and the shortfalls and pitfalls of life.  When I was in this state, it was good indication that I was "Loving On Empty."
    Beyonce has a song called , "Love On Top". When you listen to it, it goes on and on about how the person she loves finally put her first and she seems so happy about it. I believe as Christians, if we put our love and interest in God, He has a way of filling us up when we are down.  Life is unpredictable and sometimes not all of it is good but God has the capacity to help us through tough times if we allow Him. 
    We talked yesterday about loving out of your own need and necessity.  If we continue, we will dry up and become stagnant. We become irritated and tired and feel like we have nothing else to give.We love how we want to be loved but not how that person or persons need to be loved. It's real easy to get there too.
     How do we overcome this? We as Christians must continue to read the bible, have quiet time and listen to Christian songs that uplift your spirit and reflect on His goodness. This is how we win, this is how we refuel and that's how we make it. If you are fighting depression, fight back with God.  Remember, laughter is good but a merry heart does good like a medicine.

Brother Clarence
Author and Family Strategist
www.godlyking.com
www.godlykings.blogspot.com

    

    

Dying to Self "A Daily Decision"

Luke 9:23-25New International Version (NIV)23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?

     On yesterday, we talked about taking our own cross and what that means to us as Christians.   Today, I want to focus on the part of the scripture that talks about taking up your cross daily.  If you notice, the scripture did not change this week.  It did not change because I could not get past it.  I believe this scripture is the key to life after we confess Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.  You never really know who you are until you lose yourself in Christ and find yourself IN Christ.

  My biggest struggles now are when I want to resurrect the “old me” and start living like I want to live.  The problem with that statement is , How I want to live.  In contrast, the happiest I have ever been in my life is when I am doing the will of God.  Yes, I am tempted to sin everyday.  I remember how sweet it was to be “knocking the boots.”   Oh yeah, I went there.  I remember how fun sin is and while your in it; it feels like the best thing on this side of heaven but then reality always shows up.  There is always a quick high and long hard crash.  Feelings of emptiness and loneliness.  Feelings of unworthiness and regret.   Depression and jealousy.  What happens when we open the door to sin, we open the door to satans world.  satan is all about depression, quilt, hopelessness, lack, loneliness, anger, resentment, bitterness, uncontentment, jealousy, hate and envy.  All the negative feelings you experience are a result of what you allow in your life.  Sin comes with a price.  I have come to really appreciate and value my peace-that  only comes from God.

One key thing to understanding all of this is; it is a daily decision.  You have to set your mind daily to overcome.  Everyday you have to build up your spirit so you can deny the cravings and yearnings of the flesh.  What is temptation?  Something your flesh wants.  How do you overcome temptation?   By denying the flesh.  How do you overcome the flesh?  By crucifying the flesh.  How do you crucify the flesh?  By controlling and monitoring your appetites and cravings and desires.  How do you control your appetites and desires?  By spending time in the  Word of God.  Listen to CD’s and messages concerning what you are dealing with.  You have to strengthen yourself against the temptation , test or trial.  How do I strengthen myself?  Daily!

There is no other way. We are to daily deny ourselves to live the victorious life as Christians.  This message is one I have to keep before me.  I have to because I know my flesh.  I know its passions and I know its desires.  Daily!

Brother Clarence

www.godlyking.com

www.godlykings.blogspot.com

Dying to Self "Our Cross"

(Taken from Facebook last night)
"Driving down the street I see this male teen beating a female teen. She's on the hood of the car.  Hair flying. He's punching. Her under garments exposed.  I just put caution to the wind, stopped, and shouted to him to stop beating her. They're both about 14.  Older female in the yard grinning says its' ok, that's his sister.  I was angrier. Unbelievable. Well I gave him another mouth full until he let her go.  She ran inside.  Didn't see a parent.  A wife beater in the making." :(  Written by a female facebook friend)

Luke 9:23-25New International Version (NIV)23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?

This story really disturbed me.  It prompted me to have a discussion with my kids and made me reinforce some  values with my kids.  The world is really really losing it's moral backbone and if we are not careful, Christians can become apart of the problem instead of being the solution.

There are things in my life that need changing.  There are things that I need to do to improve myself as a Christian, as a husband, as a father, as a brother, and as a friend.  Everything about me is not acceptable in the sight of God.  I realize that.  I also understand that if I do not heed to the scriptures and take the time to deal with myself by spending time in the Word of God,  I can easily become apart of the problem. 

Every Christian has something God is dealing with you about.  It does not matter what it is.  If it is not addressed or continued to be ignored, it will negatively affect you and the people you love some way.  Have you ever heard the expression,  "A rotten apple can spoil the whole bunch.?"  One thing about your character can be your downfall.  It's the little foxes or the little things that destroy us. 

Have you ever had a crack or a dent on your windshield?  The crack starts small but after time it can spread and go across the entire windshield.  The same happens with us spiritually, if we ignore the cracks in our character, personality or flesh, if not dealt with, it can cause major damage.

Whether your issue is forgiveness, pride, selfishness, depression, anger, lust, jealousy, gossip, backbiting, loneliness, resentment and bitterness, unable to trust, nostalgic living in the past, over eating, or whatever it is, we can no longer ignore it.  Just like the scripture says, "It's time to take up your cross and die to self." 

These are the things that plague Christians today.  This is why Christians have affairs, this is why Christians do drugs, this is why Christians fight, this is why Christians can't forgive, this is why Christians are depressed.  We do have a choice or we can be like "the world" portrays Christians as judgemental and hypocritical.  We can do better and it starts by simply saying, "Lord help Me!"

Brother Clarence
www.godlyking.com
www.godlyukings.blogspot.com